You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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