Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
