I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
