dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
