i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
