his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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