remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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