ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm passing your future prison.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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