Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
