opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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