Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
