and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have feelings that need drinking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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