I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
