I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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