i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
