I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
