don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
