Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
