I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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