She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
