I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
