i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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