It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
