we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
