I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
