you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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