That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
