the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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