it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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