Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
