so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
