half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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