apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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