I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
