Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
