Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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