I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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