You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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