After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
