Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
