just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
