I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize