Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize