I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
