I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
