He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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