I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
