in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
