I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
