If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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