just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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