I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
