you didnt know i had herpes?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
