My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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