This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
