Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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