we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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