I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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