remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
