My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
