so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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