I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
