toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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