How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
