Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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