I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
