you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
