haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
